Rootscan?

Cute, maybe clever, but not subtle, aye? Caring about someone so much you want the best for them and actively help them get to their best whenever possible, whenever the opportunity arises. And beyond caring, doing it, putting the energy of love into the actions we do for each other.

I was there once. I remember. I let myself atrophy, stagnate, wallow in self-pity and despair but most of all, I got selfish and cut my nose off to spite my face. i decided that I would not love my best until someone else came to prove to me someone else can. A challenge to the human race.

The arrogance of the challenge pushed people away as if no one was good enough to do it. Maybe that is true, maybe I deluded myself into believing I was the only one who could.

It comes and goes like brief hot flashes of awareness now and I sit back and watch it pass. Sometimes I project and those around me may do better for it, but perhaps that too is an egocentric delusion.

The few who got the closest to me may have some answers I do not have (how could I see myself from any perspective outside of myself, after all... ah, but that was part of the experience I knew, the awareness of being part of everything and how I affected and effected everything... my wondering and wanting someone else to tell me may simply be the insecurity of my ego seeking reassurance... and again, arrogance... tell me just how grand I can be before I will actually be it... harumph), but silence surrounds me.

I smile and ask... Who cares enough to do a rootscan of me with me?

I'll return the favor, but only if you ask.